(looking for producer to re-record voice and effects)


Click Here To Listen To The Rough Draft - Anthem For Peace & Roll With The Stars-The Silence (both written 2007) ---Track 3 and 4 (be aware, track 2 has explicit lyrics)

Sometimes When We Are Learning Something New, We Fall

Purpose and Intent Of This Post: It is my hope that anyone who has been touched by the following described experience is able to come to a place of peace if they have been unable to up until this point as my intent on the day of July 6^th was lead by visions of peace and beauty. I would like to send a letter of explanation to the individuals and management of the establishment that was involved so they can better understand and hopefully experience peace but I feel the sensitivity of the situation is such that it's best I don't. That said, I post this note on my blog as I figure anyone touched by that event who has chosen to read my own personal blog will benefit from what is described below. Of course people not involved in the experience may benefit and learn from reading my story as well.

I've recently begun to get in touch with and have started paying more attention to my inner body as many authors teach to do these days. I was more in tune with my inner body then ever in my life after completing 9 straight days of yoga just a few days before July 6th. This had been the most days in a row I had ever experienced yoga as my prior mark was 4 days in a row. I did have peaceful intentions on this day of the 6th but as often happens when we are learning something new failure and mistakes can occur.

On Sunday, July 6^th as I drove to my favorite spiritual center, Agape in Culver City, I started thinking about what had happened in my past when I listened to the inner tingling sensations in my body. (I was exploring how much trust to put in to these feelings I was now recognizing more often since I had been in better tune with my inner body thanks to the yoga). As I drove, I began to think about my past actions when experiencing inner tingling sensations in my body. I was reminded of phenomenal successes that had occurred when I took action while experiencing these sensations.

For instance, there was the time I sang on stage for the first time or the time I sang in front of 1000 people for the first time. (after being shy for much of my life) Other experiences included standing up for myself with management at my job or making (what many would consider) bold suggestions to upper management at my job and having them be received well. Just the night before the 6^th, I had decided to go to a Salsa dancing club on my own by myself (which I would have never done not too long ago) and ended up having a great time by trusting these feelings. So after examining these and other successes on my drive to Agape, I made a mental note to start paying more attention to those sensations that had lead to great successes in the past and to take action on them.

During the spiritual presentation that day at Agape, the sensations came over me and I had an urge to express something of a peaceful nature (I didn't know exactly what at that point, but I was trusting my inner body full heatedly so I moved forward in the present moment.) The spiritual talk that day at Agape also had to do with personal freedom so I am certain this inspired the action as well. I was lead to my car as I felt I had something to share with a lady who had impacted my life greatly. As I was driving, I made a phone call to the Yoga studio that she teaches at to see if she would be there that day. I discovered the lady would be teaching in a class that was about to start and was guided to head in that direction.

I knew the location and phone number to the studio because this lady had given the name of the studio to me so I could pick her up there for a friendly get together on the 5^th although that meeting was cancelled.

As I was driving from Agape to the yoga studio on Sunday, the first vision that came to me included me singing outside of the yoga studio as the teacher left the studio after her class as a gift. Singing freely in my power is one of the new gifts that she had contributed to being released in me over the past few months. She had also done things (unintentionally) that contributed to what I believe was the unblocking of both my heart and solar plexus chakras. It is my belief that this unblocking that had occurred over the few months and at a larger level the few days prior to this event enabled this amazing sensation to occur on my drive to the yoga studio. As I drove to the studio and stayed intensely present with my body, I felt the energy sensations spread down through my arms and up towards my hands. The tingling sensations that I felt are indescribable. The energy eventually reached my fingertips. As I neared the studio, an additional vision came to me.

It was a beautiful vision that included singing to the yoga class while the yoga class finished their exercises. I saw a dance, wonderful music combined with amazing yoga exercise. My imagination painted a picture of myself encouraging the teacher to continue teaching (as she would be surprised of my unannounced visit) by giving her a motioning of my arms that would indicate to continue the class as I sang. The vision was great and with peaceful intent.

As I approached the yoga studio in the parking lot, the body sensations encouraged me to continue but thinking back, it was when I first encountered the lady at the front desk that these sensations went away. I faltered in my present moment living by taking action on the vision without being sensitive to my surroundings or inner body in that moment. (I attribute this imperfection to that of someone learning something new just like one might develop faculties to focus on the mechanics of riding a bike while paying attention to where they are going simultaneously but crash a few times while learning.) For instead of simply living in the present moment of the external world through my 5 senses, I was practicing keeping my attention on the external world and on my inner body simultaneously for one of the first times in my life. However, the greatest challenge was keeping that presence while interacting with another person, the front desk lady.

Instead of a balanced focus of my internal world with that of the external world I clumsily lost the presence of my inner body and moved forward on the vision with faith even though the affirmative sensations in my body had gone away. (I wasn't consciously aware that they had gone away at that point as my internal/external presence was now out of balance since my front desk interaction occurred.) It isn't until later when rehashing the entire experience that I realized the tingling sensations in my body had stopped during my interaction at the front desk.

Of course I can completely understand why things unfolded as they did and why people became unhappy and nervous, as there was a man uninvited in the doorway of the yoga studio interrupting class with a sad excuse for singing. It most likely sounded like a lame chant or something as the fear had begun taking me over at that point. Yes, I was still of aware of my outer surroundings and that people were unhappy and wanted me to stop but I moved forward with faith that the vision would eventually turn in to the beauty of the vision I had seen. Obviously (as people often do when they learn something new), I misjudged the situation and failed. The vision did not come to fruition and understandably so as I had crossed boundaries uninvited.

When we learn something new, it is human nature to falter, as we can be weak in the areas we are exercising and learning to develop but we must continue to love ourselves, get back up on our feet and move forward learning from the experience. It is now my intention to master my inner body/outer body presence combined with action of faith on a vision in a much more subtle and welcomed way. (In other words, take the baby step approach) Of course mastering this ability includes being sensitive to my surroundings and respecting people's boundaries. My intentions and life philosophy are that I take responsibility for my own personal actions and the development of my personal self and I will continue to do just that.

I know there has been a lot of pain and fear experienced since I left the studio that day and can certainly understand the many reasons as to why. Of course I am very sad that things resulted this way. It is my wish that anyone that has been touched by this experience has already come to a place of peace around it as the intentions have been that of a pure nature and I don't like the idea of anyone suffering in fear. If there are individuals who haven't come to that peaceful place, it is my hope that by better understanding my experience and that I was always coming from a place of peaceful and beautiful intent that they will find that peace inside themselves now. I could never have any ill intentions for humanity, and of course this would have to include a lady who has impacted my life in such a beautiful way. The intentions have always been that of a peaceful nature and we must move forward from a peaceful place in this present moment to remain healthy in mind, body and soul.

Namaste,

Joshua

Click for Jordan Sparks Music Video- One Step At A Time  or listen and watch the slide show below.

 

Kobe Bryant responding the final question from the media at his MVP Trophy Presentation:

Press, "You're a very hard worker, where do you get that from, the drive?"

Kobe Bryant, "You know it's just....it's fun for me. I don't really look at it as work. I enjoy it. I enjoy the preparation, I enjoy the work, I enjoy the weight lifting, I enjoy the running, I enjoy all of that stuff. It's fun for me so it's pretty easy to go ahead and do it once you enjoy it."

Click here to view and forward to the 21:23 mark

Update 4/30:  How exciting!  Lately I have been more consistent with expressing my truth courageously (but intelligently) and it's leading to great things.  For instance, within the company I work at there are wonderful opportunities to contribute to growth in many ways.  Because I chose to trust and express myself to an upper level executive, I was invited to have a one on one discussion with her.  We spoke for over an hour when she was in town.  It was a wonderful experience as I shared perspectives on the emerging conscious business trends and she shared some of her passion and plans.  Surely seeds for further growth in this arena of conscious business within the company were planted.  (I was even encouraged to take part in some special projects up and coming).  (I believe that because I have no ego agenda around advancement with the company that it is easier to allow the creative force to express through me freely as I am unattached to the outcome.

Update 4/21:  WoW!  Talk about living in integrity.  So I am trusting my instincts more and more and amazing things keep happening.  Last week I had an intuitive hit to request to sing on stage at this event and low and behold I got to sing in front of 1000 people passionately.  (in the past I would have been fearful of something like this).  HOLY MOLY !  What an amazing experience living in integrity with your higher self can be!

3/5
Today I feel sad. Although I have lots of things to celebrate including material world success, I feel sad for other reasons. I feel sad because I am not in full integrity. I feel sad because in order to live in full integrity, I have this belief that makes me think I'll have to take steps backwards in the physical world if I was to live at 100% integrity. It's not that I don't do my best to live in integrity, it's that my past sub conscious conditioning has lead me to this place through unconscious fear. Now that I've learned how to recognize subconscious habits ( a couple years ago) , I am realizing why I am attracting these certain situations in to my life over and over again.

On the other hand, by first changing my thought processes, many things have changed for the better over the last 6 years. I've accomplished many great things while helping many people, yet I am not at full integrity and this is why I am not as happy and as at peace as I could be.

When I say integrity, I define it as listening 100% to my inner guidance, trusting that guidance and taking action on such guidance versus external referral (Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success addresses this issue). The belief I have suggests that in today's world, living in personal integrity is not always an easy thing to do due to fear of judgement, poverty and other unconscious fears. The question is, am I ready to have the courage to make living integrity consistent?

Awareness is the first step in taking that integrity to the next level. I am not sure what those next steps are but the fact that I know I want to do it is enough to set the attraction for the next steps in to motion. It is scary to admit something like this openly and perhaps sharing this message openly is the first step in unleashing that integrity.

One might suggest that because I am conscious creator with the "Law Of Attraction" it would not make sense to post "negative" feelings or experiences on my blog or profile but I would say to that, this experience is only "negative" if one chooses to put those feelings behind it. I would also add that unconscious fears are what's continued to attract certain "negative" things in to my life as I've begun to attract the "positive" with conscious creation and the Law Of Attraction simultaneously. As many of us know, the subconscious is very powerful so I use this note as a form of release to the fears that with hold my true and authentic self from blossoming to it's full potential. Once a feeling is created, it is in existence, it is in the now, it is in the present moment. Therefore it needs to be expressed in order to be released, otherwise it will continue to dwell inside the subconscious and run your life (create unconsciously with the Law of Attraction) unless you are extremely present constantly throughout the day in order to rise above it.

I share this on a public site such as Zaadz (Gaia) for a few reasons.

1.  This community has been a great contributor to the growth of many great things in my life the last two years and I feel it important I show more than just the "positive" side to Joshua. Let's be real with each other. Let's be authentic.

2.  Perhaps my message will inspire someone else to take his or her life and integrity to another level.

3.  Perhaps someone will share something in response that can contribute to my growth in this situation.

4.  Perhaps people have withheld negative feelings or not validating their feelings since studying the Law of Attraction and don't realize that by withholding them they are actually creating a cycle of pain and likely attracting more of it.

     
5. Last but not least, it requires courage to make this post and I am becoming more and more confident as I write this entry that courage is what it takes to live at 100% full integrity. It's not that I haven't expressed courage before to start creating the great things I have, but I have a feeling that in order to get to the level I seek, to trust the inner guidance and visions whole heatedly, more courage than I've ever utilized will be required. Might as well start here and now.

So I was thinking to myself a few weeks back, "I could go to the gym but what's the point, you stare at a mirror, tv or a wall (sometimes other attractive beings) while pumping iron or running on a treadmill like a mouse in a wheel." 

I figured, there's got to be a better way to get exercise, afterall, people stayed in shape for many years without gyms.  One day I realized Habitat For Humanity was the answer to my discontent.

Today I was not only able to squat up and down while carrying wood and other tools but I did military presses with wood and worked biceps, triceps, shoulders and back.  I also got plenty of core action too!

The beauty of it all is that I built comrodory (sp?) with friends, met new and amazing people AND helped a family move towards their dream of living in their own home.

WOW!  Perhaps if everyone took one day out of the gym and spent a Saturday working at Habitat once a month, they'd have a HUGE growth in their volunteer rate and (you) the volunteer, would be rewarded with more than just a great work out.  Visit http://www.habitat.org/ to learn more about this amazing experience in your area.